Yes, the Mom really did say that!

I'm not sure how, but an actual phone conversation with the Mom ended like this but it did. 

ME: People don’t honk here.  You can be behind two cars at a light and the first one isn’t moving because they’re texting but no one will honk at them to move!  And when they finally move and you pull up beside them at the next light, their head is down and they are texting away like the police won’t know what is in their lap.

MOM: Or the police think they are doing something immoral in the car.

ME (snorting with laughter): Mom! Not here. We’re in the Bible belt.  

MOM: Well, in the paper here, there was a story recently about a guy in a car park that was doing that in his car.

ME: Doing what? Texting?  

MOM:  No.  The other thing.  There was a woman -

ME (confused):  A woman? Doing what? Watching him? 

MOM: Yes -

ME: Do what? Having a wank?

MOM: Well, not really - 

ME (in total shock): She was giving him a blow-job!?

(Husband looks over at me in total surprise, eyes wide. Mom is laughing.  I'm laughing harder. )

MOM: No. Not a blow-job. He was having a sank.  And he was doing in in front of the woman.

ME: Wait.  She was in his car? Just watching him?

MOM: No. She was in her car in front of his car in the parking lot.  

ME: Ohhh - 

MOM: She called the police and reported him.

ME: As she should! 

MOM: I don’t know.  I kind of think my reaction would be (as she says in a disappointed tone) “Oh. That’s kind of of small.”  But I haven’t had the opportunity to use that.  

And scene!  THIS ^ is why I am the way I am.