I have a wonderful imagination. I can look at a couple sitting on a park bench and come up with their entire life story. I can wake up from an unfinished dream and come up with two or three alternate endings. Husband can be late coming home and I can and will come up with several ways he might have been killed, who I’ll call for help, what I’ll need to do to fix up the house and what I’ll do after I sell his pretty cars.
Most people would call that morbid. I call that being prepared. Because I might have a wonderful imagination but I am an excellent worrier. I can take a little thing, like a mole on my arm and turn it into stage four cancer. Even after the mole turns out to be a speck of chocolate, I’m obviously eating chocolate because I have cancer. I worry about money. I worry about friends being unhappy or ill. I worry about money. I worry about family members dying and never getting the chance to say goodbye. I worry about me dying in horrible and awkward situations. I worry about money. I worry about going to the gas station and forgetting to take the hose out of the gas tank and driving off and ending up on the evening news. Which is stupid because I always hold the hose and the release catch thing while I’m filling up the car because I’ve always owned cars with weird tanks that need a specific angle to not seem full but driving off with the hose in the tank is still one of my worries. I am exceptional at worrying. Husband is brilliant at not worrying. He can change the subject in his mind to something random like “How will I build a deck.” Which takes him off the topic of whatever he should be worrying about. “How do you do that?” I’ll ask. And he’ll come back with a one-liner that is so random I’ll have to write it down. A one-liner that, for a minute or two, will take me off whatever mess I’ve made in my mind as I try to puzzle out how to accomplish Husband’s suggestion. Once, I told him I got distracted on stage worrying about something and Husband told me to, “Just imagine you’re in a hallway with lots and lots of doors. Just walk down that hallway and don’t open any of the doors.” Yeah, right. Like I’m not going to wonder what’s behind the doors and try the knobs to see if they’ll open and if they do, have a peak inside… Or like the time he told me to imagine I was at the top of a parking garage. I was just to just drive around the top and never go down any of the ramps. Ever. I get dizzy even thinking about doing that. The other day, I was worrying about the fact that I’m spending more money than I’m making, and he said, ”You always picture the swimming pool empty. Picture it filling up. You just have to trust that the swimming pool will be full when you’re ready to jump off the diving board.” WHAT??? Because my brain won’t instantly come up with the million body parts I could and would break when I jump into a pool that’s not full? And am I supposed to picture the swimming pool filling as I’m in mid air? How is that possible? Swimming pools take forever to fill! And what am I wearing? I’m too jiggly for a bathing suit right now, especially around my belly, which probably means I’m going get cancer of some kind and die. Also, knowing me, the suit would come off in mid jump and I’d be naked and dead at the bottom of a half filled pool. And all this is from a guy who can’t swim AND hates heights so pardon me if I laugh at that one. Yesterday, when I was worrying about always worrying Husband said to me, “Say you have a three-legged dog that can only turn left. You just have to make sure that all your turns are left. You have to plan your life so you never have to make a right turn.” Now I’m confused. I never know my left from my right. AND I want a three-legged dog. And, of course, now I’m worrying about how my three-legged dog is going to navigate the stairs in the house and whether Tigger the Dog will like her and where we’ll put another dog crate in the bedroom… So, I guess that one worked…
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AuthorMy name is ej. I'm a girl. I say that because with the short hair and the short initials, folks aren't always sure. More brilliant insights to who I am in About me Archives
April 2019
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