I didn’t exactly meet him as have myself thrust into his bluster. He chose his audience based on the number of eyeballs on him and as mine drifted in his direction, I became the focus of his bluff. He opened with an inflammatory statement; “I’ve seen that show once.” He said, referring to The Big Bang Theory as the few of Husband’s friends picked out the theme song on their guitars. “It doesn’t have nearly enough killing in it for me.” And as that statement settled in the dust of the dying music, he followed up with “I’m huge Game of Thrones fan.”
It might have ended there. We might have not invited further comment had Husband’s friends kept silent. But Husband spoke and his accent became a topic that our New Friend latched onto and would not let go of. And when Husband’s friends fell in with him, butchering British accents without a worry or care, our New Friend got louder; completely oblivious to the insult they were perpetuating on accents around the world. “Oh man, do you all have accents?” He said. “I love the accents in Game of Thrones.” This went on for a few minutes, this epic accent BS, but soon Husband’s friends lost interest and slowly drifted away. Though not all physically left the space, soon I was the lone audience member watching the show that was our New Friend, alone in his spotlight. He was, he said, "a psychiatric tech in the forensic ward." A job I never knew existed. As he put it, “a bouncer for the worst of the worst from prison.” His patients, he said, “Were ones we’d read about on the news.” Fascinated, I drew closer. I wanted to hear more but the topic changed to one he felt showcased him better. He was, he told me, “the best singer you've never heard of yet,” he said. In fact, he had spent the afternoon playing for himself, a private concert on his porch, if you will, that rivaled - insert famous country singer whose name I don’t know. A concert that even he - famous country singer I don’t know - “would have paid a million dollars to see.” And, if I stuck around to listen to him tonight, I would know he was as good as, better than, the BEST country singer around. Impressed, I mentioned that I was in awe of his confidence. “Well,” he said, “if you don’t believe in you, how can you get anyone else to believe in you?” And then, while I was nodding my head in agreement, he started talking about his career in wrestling, demonstrating his signature move - the pulling of an imaginary truck horn as he entered the ring. Because, of course a country singing psychiatric tech in a forensic ward of a hospital has a side career as a wrestler, right? It was at this point I pulled out my phone and tried to find him on Google so that I could share his awesomeness with the world. And it was at this point that the bluster faltered, his self-applause got a bit quieter, and the shine came off his shill. “I’ve only had one match...” He said as I ask for confirmation of the spelling of his name. “You might not find me there.” He said as I scrolled the page. I put my phone away; this was not the time to be rude. This was the time to listen. And as my phone slipped into the depths of my purse, my New Friend ramped up again, his confidence growing brighter, his accomplishments more grandiose. As he talked, it became obvious that I was the only one listening. Husband’s friends had disappeared down the stairs; only I was still looking and listening to the performance that was my New Friend. Husband shot me the ‘time to go home’ look and I reluctantly pulled myself away from the dramatic/comic monologue, my world a now whole lot less interesting as we made our way home. But, I was impressed, for a moment, by the awesomeness that was my New Friend. And maybe one day, in the dark patio of that same bar, I’ll meet him again. Or manage to catch the concert of the century, one I would pay millions to see. Or be one in the crowd honking my horn as he enters the ring at a wrestling match. Maybe, just maybe, my life will be interesting again.
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AuthorMy name is ej. I'm a girl. I say that because with the short hair and the short initials, folks aren't always sure. More brilliant insights to who I am in About me Archives
April 2019
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