ONE: I went to the Ortho doc for a check of my water-on-the-knee situation that I gave myself six months ago by slamming the side of my knee into the coffee table. They gave me eight pages of forms to fill our and check and sign. It seems like on every other form, I had the opportunity to check off boxes with what is wrong with me or what was wrong with time or what was wrong with my family. I was very honest. I checked the ‘depression’ box every time. I also check ‘former smoker’ because for a very short period of time in my twentyish year, I bought a pack of cigarettes and spent some time in New York bars pretending I was cool and edgy and didn’t mind getting smoke in my eye and pretending my ashtray mouth was a sexy choice. When I got my marching papers, there was nothing on there about the many times I’d checked ‘depression’ but they sure didn’t miss that one freaking ‘former smoker box’! It's in there TWICE! Not to be glib but this is why people can fly planes into mountains and shoot up people for the heck of it. Because of this type of focus on the stupid insignificant details and not the very big, very obvious picture. TWO:
We have yet to fix the ‘prison bathroom’ in our basement. A few months ago, I cleaned it up, filled the tank and realized that the real estate company had slapped the “Do not use. Winterized” sign across the seat because the tank was cracked. We haven’t replaced it because we HAVE to replace the floor and the sink and do something about the prison shower and the cinderblock walls. It’s very “If you give a mouse a cookie, he’s going to want a glass of milk.” And we don’t have time for those cookies right now so the tank is empty and the bathroom is used to wash paintbrushes and fill plants. But no one told the HVAC guys who were in the house installing the new units for the studio. And the first guy who used the toilet didn’t tell the other guys - OR US - that he’d used the toilet and it wasn’t working. And the second guy only told Husband because Husband caught him coming out of the bathroom. ICK! THREE: For our tenth anniversary, Husband promised me three things, one of which was a trip to Hawaii. He can't remember the other two things and I didn't get a trip to Hawaii. “Yet!” he says. This is after he tells me he's already taken me there twice. I say that a one-night layover in Hawaii on the way to the Philippines does not count. Neither does the three-day layover on the way back. That was a recovery trip from our stay in the Philippines with its lovely people and bomb searches and different foods and very scary driving. That does not count as a “Congrats! You made it through ten years of marriage with me…” trip. Because of the various life things we have going on, I knew that the trip to Hawaii wouldn’t happen. “Yet!” And I knew, despite his many promises and declarations throughout the years, I wouldn’t likely get gift number two or three. I thought I’d get a “Soon.” Or a, “Someday, I promise I will…” like I’d gotten for the first ten years. I didn’t think he’d forget all together. I’ve not been angry about the missing two things. I’ve been teasing him about it, the forgetting. His guesses about what they could be have been hysterical and not even close. He keeps begging me to tell him but I won’t. I’m female. I feel it won’t be as special if I have to tell him about it. Till then, I’m happy to tease and guilt and giggle at the wrong answers. AND THEN Monday, we did a long drive to our friend’s house in Spring Hill, TN for lunch. Spring Hill is about an hour away but because it was a beautiful day and he’s that kind of guy, Husband did the wander route down so it took us longer. I’ve been to our friend’s house several times. Husband has been there once. A year ago. When he was following our friends to their home from the restaurant 30 miles away in the dark. AND YET HE REMEMBERED THE WAY THERE WITHOUT MY HELP! Why? Why can he remember a route he drove ONCE a year ago and not remember something silly he promised me all the time for years and years??? His penis must be with directions like a divining rod is with water. I sure as hell know it doesn’t have ears or this post would be babbles about something else.
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AuthorMy name is ej. I'm a girl. I say that because with the short hair and the short initials, folks aren't always sure. More brilliant insights to who I am in About me Archives
April 2019
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