When I first started sharing a bed with Husband, he was quite horrified to learn that I slept with a small silk pillow shoved between my knees when on my side. I’d had many back traumas over the years and the pillow seemed to help ease my back pain when sleeping. It was non negotiable so he learned to live with it, though I will admit he tried presenting with me several different pillow options that were more aesthetically pleasing to him, all of which I rejected. The pillow stayed and he learned to ignore its existence for the most part. Flash-forward to yesterday, when I came home from my new chiropractor with various foam rolls and wedges that I was supposed to sleep with to fix my rotated hips. Not only is Husband not thrilled with my attending the chiropractor in the first place - because he suspects I’ve spent the amount of a small car on the treatment - he now has to deal with these going wayward in the night And his face only got more amusing when I showed him all of the rest of the stuff - I have to admit I totally snorted when the chiropractor dude showed me those wedges with a straight face. I am very pleased I had the restraint not to fully regress to age twelve and ask him “What else can they be used for, Doctor Dave? Nudge nudge, wink wink.” Seriously, who can look at this and not think of the sex wedges that are always on sale in the magazines full of crap you can buy while on a plane? You know what I'm talking about, the sex wedge things that are usually purple and massive and send me into sniggering guffawing fits as I try to imagine where someone would store the sucker. And what I would say if I walked into someone’s bedroom on a house tour and saw one stuffed in the corner other than, "(giggle, giggle) I know what you do with that! (giggle, giggle, snort)"
Doctor Dave did not find me amusing. Chiropractic care is very serious stuff. Whatever, Doctor Dave. It is a good thing those make me laugh because those suckers shoved under my hips with the roll at my neck and one under my lower back are not at all a comfortable and restful way to attempt to go to sleep. Not helping my ease into dreamland is the huffing and puffing of indignation coming from Husband’s side of the bed. If it weren’t for the fact that the treatment actually seems to be making my hips and back feel better, I’d pull the stupid roll out from under my neck and beat him with it. There you go, marriage counseling at its best; foam rollers used for problem solving and aggression dissipation. I’m going to add that suggestion to my book of ‘Things They Never Told Me I’d Have to Deal With When I Got Married.’ I think it will put it in after the chapter: ‘Buy Stock in Toilet Paper Because Somehow They Will Use a Whole Roll Every Two Days’ and before the chapter: ‘Things You Think Are Cute Now Are Not Cute Years Later.’ Which, now that I think of it, really should be called: ‘Things You Think Are Cute Now That Will Start Arguments Later’ So far the book is a best seller – and I’ve only come up with titles. I’m off to sit on my wobbly ball and roll my body around in unnatural positions. Good thing the shades are open. I wouldn’t want the neighbors to not have entertainment as they walk their dogs. I’m giving like that.
2 Comments
allie
10/5/2014 05:53:55 am
i have that red spiky pillow/"ball" thingy. the spiky side...hurts. mine has very little air in it and i'm sitting on it right now. i don't think it does what it says it does. which i can't remember because i bought it like 8 years ago. but whatever.
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ej
10/5/2014 07:18:06 am
allie - my "ball" is too full and it actually hurts to sit on it. Or maybe it's supposed to hurt, I don't know. I guess my butt hurting is better than my back... ugh.
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AuthorMy name is ej. I'm a girl. I say that because with the short hair and the short initials, folks aren't always sure. More brilliant insights to who I am in About me Archives
April 2019
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