My friend “Betty” is seventy something. She is more adventurous at seventy than I ever have been and has lived a thousand lifetimes, a million adventures in that short time. Spending time with her is an automatic smile - usually followed by a dropped jaw in disbelief. She is a drug of positivity and joy and filled to the brim with hilarious stories about her escapades. One day, I’d like to sit down and read the story of her life, when slows down and has time to actually write it all down. Because my friend Betty has done some absolutely fascinating things! Among a dozen other fabulous things she’s done to make a living, Betty is a jazz singer. At one point in her life, she was traveling around the world entertaining troupes. As she put it, she was in a particular glamorous time of her life; always dolled up, false eyelashes and a full face of make-up, every thing that goes with that showbiz life. One day, she found herself out of eyelashes, which had her desperately searching the shops of Hong Kong, coming up empty. And then finally she came upon a store that had them featured in the window. Weirdly, all the packages had the eyelashes in a one-piece unbroken circle but they had them. She would have to cut each circle into pieces but they were beautiful and she needed them and so Betty bought a few dozen. She wore them for months, dancing and singing her heart out for the troupes all over the world. They were, she said, the best false eyelashes she’d ever had. And then she found out that they weren’t eyelashes. They were - wait for it - cock ticklers! Yup. You read that right. Her beautiful eyelashes were in fact, COCK TICKLERS!!! Betty had toured Asia and beyond, singing her jazzy heart out, wearing cock ticklers on her eyelids. And she continued to wear them after she found out because they were, "the best I've ever had." I. Love. Betty. She told us this story on Saturday. On Tuesday I was teaching a creative dramatics class. As it was the final class, I had the parents play a game with us where we pass an object around the group and, use the object as something else. Like using this broom... ...and pretending it’s a beard or something.
Things were going well. We had someone pretend the broom was a hat. Another person pretended it was a tail. The six year old pretended it was a bomb, counting backwards from ten and we all mimed blowing up in slow motion. See, going well. And then one parent very shyly put the broom up to her face and pretended it was her eyelashes. And. I. Lost. It. Like hysterical snickering while trying to pretend I wasn’t. Like trying to keep myself together and pretend I wasn’t twelve. Like wide-eyed, big crazy smile, encouraging the others as they participated when all I could think of was my friend Betty wandering Asia with cock ticklers on her eyelids. Needless to say, I won’t be using the broom in class again. And that false eyelashes will forever make me laugh. And that Betty is all kinds of awesome!!!
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AuthorMy name is ej. I'm a girl. I say that because with the short hair and the short initials, folks aren't always sure. More brilliant insights to who I am in About me Archives
April 2019
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