The other night at dinner we spotted this beautiful lady with a similar haircut to mine. Only her hair was straightened and swooped to the side, which emphasized her gorgeous neck. And she stood up straight and was slim and wore make-up and was stunningly beautiful. “We have the same haircut.” I said to Husband. “If I straightened my hair, I’d look just like her.” Husband just squeezed his lips together, tried not to smile and nodded slowly. But his eyes lied. To prove a point, I washed my hair and straightened it. I should say, I washed my hair and attempted to straighten it. Attempted three times. I have no idea how people do this daily. It is not easy to do. It takes WAAAAY too long and the results are totally unsatisfying. Humorous even. My first attempt gave me stick straight bangs and a Kate Gosselin Before Hollywood hairstyle. No judgment on her hair style choice. All I can say is it did not look good on me. At all. But my arms were tired from holding them over my head and pulling the wand thing slowly so I wandered away and did other important things before coming back for attempt number two. Which was equally unsuccessful. This time I got the hair to mostly lie down everywhere but on the back of my head. Which chose to stick straight out as if i was in a wind tunnel or standing in front of a jet engine. When I finished laughing, I turned off the straightener and went to put chocolate in my face. Because when you look like you’ve stuck your finger in an electric socket, chocolate is the only cure. The third and final attempt resulted in a style – and I’m not sure you can actually call it a style - that was not unlike Beaker from the Muppets. No lie. Bald is looking good right about now.
Also, hats are awesome.
2 Comments
allie
7/11/2014 05:07:28 am
i must remind myself not to read your posts at work. because i just guffawed. GUF-FAWED. which, for the record, is bigger than a chortle and smaller than whatever laugh is so big you pee your pants.
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ej
7/11/2014 05:14:46 am
allie - the humidity doesn't help but I am/do pull downwards when I'm straightening, just think the afro-ish-ness of my hair and my fear of actually burning my scalp mean I'm really pulling out more than down.
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AuthorMy name is ej. I'm a girl. I say that because with the short hair and the short initials, folks aren't always sure. More brilliant insights to who I am in About me Archives
April 2019
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