I’ve narrowed my excuses for bad diet down to three:
I can’t cook. Well, I can cook but I can’t cook well. My mother was never much of a cook. She wasn't very interested in food and, as a single parent with a 60+ hour work week, she didn't have time. Unfortunately, I inherited her disinterest. Add to that my lack of talent in the kitchen, my ability to burn or over cook everything and a tiny kitchen with an oven that only cooks on one side, you can see why we eat out most every night right now
It doesn't help that husband is so dang picky, and has so many food issues. The dude can't eat in other people’s homes. He can't swallow so if he manages to get food into his mouth, he just chews and chews and chews. It's an awkward issue to have. We can't go dinner parties - I can't cook and he can't eat. A few years back, we were in Scotland. He at all manner of weird fried unhealthy stuff from a food truck parked on the side of a hill, served by a man, who was smoking while cooking
I’m lazy. When given the option to eat random things from the fridge that should really never be combined into a meal instead of heading to the grocery store for something healthy and grown-up meal like, you know I’m having the leftover junk from the fridge. Or, when given the option to stay in or go out and eat, I’ll go out and eat. And, when faced with a menu of various weird things or burgers, I’ll pick the burger and fries every time. I’m just lazy.
Let’s just agree I have failed as a healthy eater. The other day, I burned banana bread in the stupid oven that only cooks on one side - and then ate it anyway. With a large scoop - okay three scoops - of ice cream on top and a side dish of potato chips. I later had a packet of seaweed and a big cup of mint tea. That was my lunch and my dinner. That counts as a fruit and three veggies, right?
This isn’t something new to me, after performing on stage; I used to get a hot chocolate and fries at the diner after-parties. It has always been my go to treat. In fact, once after a show in NYC, I ordered my hot chocolate and fries and a waiter working another section came out to find me. Turns out, she had worked summer stock with me years before, recognized my order and knew I was the only one who could have placed the order. Not the best endorsement but a solid one.
I’m also up against my love of the potato - usually in French fry form. I always said, if I became famous enough to have a restaurant, it would be everything potatoes. There would be a toppings bar with all kinds of weird toppings - spicy and sweet like salted chocolate milkshake and sweet chili pepper and mustard. You would order your potato fried or baked and then add a plethora of toppings as a garnish. It’s a brilliant idea… Sadly, I'm sure my body isn’t able support that type of diet anymore – and I would have been its best customer.
And so, that is why, husband and I are embarking on a life style change today. I’m completely unsure what the hell we’re going to eat but it will be healthier than the loaded fries with gooey cheese, pulled pork, bacon, and bourbon onions I had for lunch and dinner last night. This is what we’re up against folks. Belcourt Taps Menu - a perfect sample of what we're choosing from in all the restaurants out here. We’re doomed!