and then there were none. and then I was done.

And there you have it. One year of posting weekday blurts about my life, my feelings, and my random life stories done.  One year of getting up, stumbling to the front door to let the dog out then sitting down at the computer, writing whatever came into my brain and out onto the screen and then pushing publish with hardly any editing and not too much thought.  One year of actively trying to pay attention to things Husband said in order to retell a story or phrase that makes my life with him not at all boring.  One year of WebMD diagnosis and jiggly body parts. One year of sharing the wonder that lives just outside our door; the owls and deer and spiders. And sometimes sharing the joy not found in the creepy things that we find inside our doors; weird termite egg things, bats!!!  

One year of emotional maintenance done. 

And now what?

If I were to take a moment and evaluate what I wanted to achieve and where I ended up, I’d have to say that getting the crazy out of my head and onto page has been invaluable.   Sometimes – most times actually – it made me realize that the importance I put on something was really not worth the angst.  Sometimes it made me feel like I wasn’t alone in this new town so very far away from friends and family and familiar places. And most time, it really did reiterate that life is funny if you look for those moments.  And I have had a lot of moments in my life, past and present.

I’d also like to the think that putting my weird out there on display has helped others see that their weird isn’t as bad or is just as bad or really could be much worse.  

While I’m pretty sure I might be the only person to have an ultra sound tech find a uterus that isn’t there. Or have their Doctor, Dr. Payne, send them to a gynecologist, Dr. Cox because of a bulky cervix, weird fluid and a cyst-y ovary. I can’t be the only person to throw a ball at a dog park for the dog and nail a guy between the eyes. 

I know I’m not the only one to have moments with the in-laws that will make anyone cringe or awfully embarrassing dinners with the family or the only one who has had a bad date - though maybe not as bad/educational (part one, part two)as some of mine. And, while I might be the only Robin Roberts look alike in town, I know I’m not the only one to suffer from depression so dark that breathing is an effort and finding light seems an impossible task. 

What will happen from here, I don’t know.  I’m curious to see if the pressure to have to write every morning was the only reason I did or if it’s something I need to do to breathe clearly. I'm also curious to see if I still want to write other things.  While I did finish a story or two during this year, most of my other writing stalled. Maybe when I take the focus off the daily blurt, I’ll find the other words I need to tell the stories that are drifting about my brain.

To that end, I’m giving myself permission to take the rest of the month off to figure things out.  I may not last the month. Or maybe, I’ll not blog/blurt again.  I don't know.  I did manage to add a subscriber link to the page so if you’d like to, add your email to the list to get any gems that might pop up.  

Until then, thank you for listening.  Thank you for ignoring the spelling and grammar errors or for pointing them out so I can fix them (Mom, Husband, Ted.) 

And thank you for sharing some of your busy life with me.  I have felt the love! 

~ ej