In Kauai Hawaii in 1990 something while on a two-week vacation with a boy I learned two key things – One: don’t EVER vacation with someone who brings the guidebook and a pencil to check off every thing in the guide book as once he's done it. Unless that’s your thing too. In which case, I don't want to vacation with you. Ever. And - Two: I apparently I’m one of those people who like to find a word or phrase and use it over and over and over. In Kauai, that world was ‘stunning.’ The sunset was stunning. The sunrise was stunning. The dolphins were stunning. The waterfalls were stunning. You get the idea. Everything was stunning. The combination of that damn guidebook and my lack of vocabulary led to a stunningly quick end to that relationship. Thank goodness. He was an ass. A few summers ago, my go to word was ‘fantastic.’ A friend of mine taught me how to use it as a cuss word, drawing the word out slow and steady and precise. “Fan. Tas. Tic.” Became a substitute for every cuss word I wanted to utter. And working with teenagers and their hormones and a awful boss with his head so far up his… well, let’s just say, there was a lot of cussing that needed to be had that summer. The phrase, “Well. That’s just Fan. Tas. Tic!” served me well. Last summer, when I was back working in California and living with Mom for two months, I was “Shut. The. Front. Door!”-ing all over the place. Well, at least I was until Mom shot me ‘the look’ and told me in no uncertain terms that she was “not at all pleased with my language” and I needed to “clean it up.” It is pretty scary to be reprimanded by your mother when you’re old. One look from her and I was instantly back in my time out years, worried that she’d make my punishment worse and I’d never ever get to see my friends. This week, this month, my word of choice seems to be ‘horrific.’ It’s an awesome word – the ‘ff’ and the hard ‘c’ – just awesome. I’ve seen horrific driving. I’ve heard horrific singing. I’ve been in horrific traffic. My mood has been horrific. The smells coming out of the dog have been horrific. I mean, truly horrific smells! And, if you’ve been reading this post at all regularly, you know I’m a fan of the words 'freaking’ and 'awesome,' usually squished together and slanged up. As in “Nicest Dentist Ever is freakin’ awesome!” My point? I need a thesaurus. In addition, my penchant for cussing with really offensive sailor language and attempting to cover the filth with delicious adjectives masking as cuss words, means I’m really not someone you can take out in polite company. And everyone here in the South is polite company. So I am going to try adding in a few more colorful words and phrases to my every day babble. I’ve decided to troll the vocabularies of various friends, harvest the best and most bizarre words and work them into my everyday conversations. Today, I’m going to start off with a word that I’ve appropriated from the two-year-old twins; “Turtle.” Instead of cussing I’m just going to call people, “Turtle!” It’s a simple word but when said with intention and a somewhat lethargic tongue, it’s quite a suitable word to describe a person or a situation. And, I think, it’s bit of a step up from “Muppet.” which is one of Husband’s go-to insults for me. I’m not sure how effective it will be as I scream, “Get out of my way, you Turtle!” out of the window of my Smart Car but at least I’ll be family friendly and accurate and someone you can bring home to mother. New thought: I don't suppose you want to bring home someone who screams at people out of their car window... I'll put it on my list of things to work on next.
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AuthorMy name is ej. I'm a girl. I say that because with the short hair and the short initials, folks aren't always sure. More brilliant insights to who I am in About me Archives
April 2019
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