When Husband and I were first married, I bought him a candy bra and panties for our first valentines day. Because I thought that that’s what I should do. Because I bought into the damn marketing that said that if I loved him, I’d act like an idiot and dress like slut from the Willy Wonka factory.
When he finally opened the gift, we were both quite giggly about the whole thing but the candy set never made it out of the box. Mostly because I don’t wear costumes because I’ve worn them on stage all my life and probably because neither one of us could have kept a straight face. Valentine's Day regardless, the candy panties stayed in the box and, at some later date, was put into a box in the closet. When we moved, the candy panties box went into a box into the truck into the basement where it stayed until last December when I found the silly things, ELEVEN YEARS LATER. When I showed Husband my prize the response was just the same as the first time he’d seen them; he laughed himself silly at the stupidity. Because this time, I put them on. I waited till he was in the shower, stripped off, wrenched the plastic bag open and pulled the damn things on over my not so svelte self. And then I laughed and laughed and laughed. Partly because my body was eleven years older and thirty pounds heavier, but mostly because there is nothing sexy about a string bikini made of candy. Nothing. When Husband came out to see what I was laughing about, the look on his face went from shock to hysterics. We spent about ten minuets having a right good giggle about the dang things before I stripped them off and got dressed again. No, there was no "sexy time" – we’ve been married for eleven years and candy bras on a body with extra fluffy bits nudging through the elastic are not sexy. Very VERY funny but not sexy. Now, me being me, I didn’t want to just throw away this wonderful piece of sexy comedy. I mean what if I could use it in a project somewhere down the line? What if? What if? What if? So many possibilities so I bundled the candy bra and panties into a Ziploc bag and shoved it into the drawer with all the dog stuff... ...where I just found it and had serious giggle. I mean I was practically rolling on the floor, I so amused myself. Then I wrote this and put the bag back into the cupboard. Because who knows. Maybe someday, those candy panties will come in handy for… well, not sure what for but they’re there, just in case I need them. For something.
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AuthorMy name is ej. I'm a girl. I say that because with the short hair and the short initials, folks aren't always sure. More brilliant insights to who I am in About me Archives
April 2019
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