Husband was out at a gig, the TV was not as captivating as it could be, Tigger the Dog was running through some field chasing chipmunks in her sleep and somewhere in that emptiness, I thought to myself, “I wonder if I can drain the fluid out of my knee?”
And that is when I did the stupid, stupid thing. I Googled it.
And then I did a stupider thing. I watched the videos of someone doing it.
And it was sickening and gross and cringe inducing – and I could not look away.
And then, I remembered watching this show years and years ago where some guy had gotten an STD and it had shown up in his eye!!! And was telling my nurse friend this and she was all blasé about the whole thing and then she told me a particular icky story about having some guy come into the ER with Gonorrhea IN his knee. IN HIS KNEE! And I thought that was horrifying and gross and, for some reason, that memory popped into my head last night while watching people drain water out of their knees and so I did another stupid thing, I Googled Gonorrhea on the knee.
DO NOT DO THIS PEOPLE!
It was and is a stupid, stupid thing to do. Because Google will show you gross pictures and those gross pictures will lead to other gross pictures and sooner or later, you’re in a loop of awful and cannot get out. You’ll find yourself on WebMD making sure you don’t have diseases you don’t have but that will only convince yourself you do.
After hours careful studying, I have determined I do not have Gonorrhea of the knee or eye or penis or any other possible body part.
I also do not have a penis. Husband will be relived to hear that one. It wasn’t really an option but after checking loads of pictures of pus filled lesions, I have confirmed I really do not have one of those penis things. Thank goodness. They are funny looking.
Thanks to WebMD, I do however apparently have; Gout, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Diabetes, Lupus and a possible tumor. I’ve also got a myriad of other things wrong with me that WebMD assures me I’ll be dying of soon. It is imperative I write my Will out today before the fluid bursts, sends infected cells to my heart and I have a heart attack from the shock.
While I’m writing things you should NOT do, put ‘write your Will out while panicking about your water on the knee’ on the list.
Thinking about dying suddenly from these tumors and diseases I’m sure I have means I’m suddenly aware of all the things I haven’t finished. For example, cleaning my desk off has been on the To-Do list for weeks now. If I die, Husband will have to deal with that and I know all the precious stuff I’ve accumulated during this short lifetime will end up in the trash. And my stories and poems that are mostly thought blurts at this point, what the hell will happen to those? Husband doesn’t like to read so he’s sure not going to finish any of them let alone do something other than let them die on my laptop with me. And when I start thinking of all the important stuff I’ve saved over the years that is now in boxes in the basement that someone - not Husband please - will have to sort through and give away or toss, I start hyperventilating, and my heart started racing and my left arm hurt….
Which led to another Google search…
Let me just say now, it’s been nice knowing you all. When you speak of me and all I did or didn’t do here on earth, be kind. Be well, my friends. Be well.
And if you’re not well, DO NOT GOOGLE!