Years ago, when I was putting my acting resume together, I put ‘Screamer’ down as a talent. I am very good at a loud, horror movie scream. Which is ironic because I can’t watch horror movies without hyperventilating myself into a coma and then never sleeping without a light on again.
What I should put down on my resume is ‘Brilliant at talking myself into and out of things’ – but I think that will be as confusing as ‘Screamer.’ If I could focus my talent and put it to use – the talking myself out of things talent, not the screamer talent – I could probably solve the world’s current conflicts. Israeli and Palestine would come to an agreement. Boehner and Obama and their pals would actually listen to common sense, see that this playground squabbling is not good for us little people and actually work together and fix this mess of a country. Football fans wouldn’t be so angry and might actually see that there is something out there besides watching someone else kick a ball… But all I seem to be able to do with my magic talent is talk myself into and out of things – usually a pace that is ridiculously fast and with a logic that is unreasonable. I’m going to eat healthy, cut out all junk food and sugar and only eat fruit and veggies and air... But life is short and I could die tomorrow so I should eat that cookie because what’s the point if I don’t? I’m going to get up and write every day. But I just found that app on the iPad for jigsaw puzzles and I’m stressed and doing jigsaw puzzles reminds me of my Grandmother and calms my crazy brain so until I feel more centered, I should sit and work on the puzzle instead... I’m going to walk the dog. But it really is too hot out there and her paws will melt on the pavement so what I should do is keep her inside and unscramble my jigsaw puzzle and take her out later... I am going to call the doctor and get my back taken care of once and for all. But what if the doctor misses and paralyzes me and I can’t go to the bathroom by myself? I couldn’t do that to Husband. He told me when we got married that wiping my bum if I was incapable of doing it myself was off the table… so I’ll just sit here, resting my back and solve that jigsaw puzzle... You get the idea. I am really, really good at something that is really, really bad for me and my attempts to function as a grown person. I would write more but I don’t want to take up your time with silly arguments that are going nowhere. And also, I have that jigsaw puzzle…
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AuthorMy name is ej. I'm a girl. I say that because with the short hair and the short initials, folks aren't always sure. More brilliant insights to who I am in About me Archives
April 2019
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