Husband and I are in constant disagreement about the definition of ‘need.’ He feels that when I use it to describe the dishes that ‘need’ doing I am incorrect. I feel that when he uses it to describe the ‘need’ to buy more crap for his studio, he’s taking license with the meaning. We will never be on the same page about ‘need.’
But both of us can agree that we have issues with the word ‘should’ and the pressure it puts on us to do everything but the thing that ‘should’ be done. Both of us get itchy and prickly when ‘should’ is trotted out. Both of us are brilliant at ignoring the list of ‘should’ and letting it grow. Only dealing with things when the ‘should’ becomes a ‘need to do right now!’ Like, for example, the gutter that was leaking that we ‘should’ have fixed, that now is officially broken and ‘needs’ to be replaced. Or the hole in the wall that was annoying that we ‘should’ have filled that then became an welcome door to chipmunks and five-foot rat snakes. Yeah, that went from a ‘should fill that hole’ to ‘FILL THAT HOLE’ really quickly! And then a friend of mine sent me an article about ‘must’ vs. ‘should’ - which is much like ‘should’ vs. ‘need’ in our house minus the arguments - and life got more confusing. This above babble is why I’m putting myself on a blog break. I’m no longer in a ‘must’ write phase or a ‘need’ to write phase. Most days, I am firmly in a ‘should’ write phase. And 'should' is not fun. 'Should' is achy pressure and disappointments – both for you and for me. 'Should' is filled with someone else’s pictures or stories or opinions 'Should' hides impulses and dampens down delusions - and I need delusions to write. I 'need' impulse and vision and choice and life. Really, I just need to know if ‘must’ is a word I can use for things other than eating chocolate or napping when it’s raining or ordering French fries even when I’m not hungry because, well, they’re French fries. One of my favorite books is Shel Sliverstein’s ‘The Missing Piece Meets the Big O’ which is a ‘companion book to ‘The Missing Piece.” If you’ve not read either, I highly recommend them. Here’s a link if you want to try before you buy. It’s a great children's book really written to speak to adults about being able to roll on your own. And it has nothing to do with what I’m babbling about and everything to do with what I’m babbling about. “You cannot roll with me,” said the Big O, “but perhaps you can roll by yourself.” “By myself? A missing piece cannot roll by itself” “Have you ever tried?” asked the Big O. I’m off to find my ‘must.’ I’m going to try ignoring the ‘should’ and just try rolling by myself in no particular direction and with no particular goal. I promise I’ll be checking in here periodically - because really I can't not share my angst - but with I'm not planning on following any specific schedule because, well, because of all of the above. Here I go....
2 Comments
Karen
5/22/2015 07:55:25 pm
Hey ej - totally respect you for going off the blog grid. I'll miss your wonderful dose of quirky realism. Anyways, the reason for my post? If you are looking for new friends (cos the friend dating thing sounded a bit demoralising) try out this site. It was how I made friends when I moved from New Zealand to Australia. I know the name sounds like it is a dating site but it isn't. It is about people with similar interests getting together to enjoy those interests .... and you just never know, you might make friends ....
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ej
5/22/2015 09:36:11 pm
Karen - THANK YOU!!! Funny enough, since I've been "off" I've had all sorts of wacky things happen that I would have blogged about but I'm restraining myself for at least a week. Anyhoo - I love meet up in concept but I'm having issues with the follow-thru. I tried a writers one here and no love match was to be had. But, in the interest of not sitting at home, I'll try again because who the heck knows - might be a great post in the waiting! Thanks for reading and for chatting and I'll be back soon, I promise. My fatherinlaw comes in on Tuesday and there is nothing more awkward than a Scotsman in Nashville with me and his grumpy son. Stories to be had!
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AuthorMy name is ej. I'm a girl. I say that because with the short hair and the short initials, folks aren't always sure. More brilliant insights to who I am in About me Archives
April 2019
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