We didn’t have a TV growing up and, as a result, I've read loads of spy novels and murder mysteries and seen way too many movies about conspiracy theories. It’s gotten to he point that my dreams are filled with me being attacked by men in black and having to fight them off with my surprisingly good karate skills before running and hiding until I can take the bad guys down with my homemade contraptions a la MacGyver. With that as a background you can understand why, when I took the dog for a walk yesterday, I saw this van and know they were up to no good. I know the FBI or the CIA or some nefarious bad guys were in the van plotting a murder or a robbery or kidnapping
I know this because there was no sign of anyone about until I pulled out my phone to snap a picture and suddenly then that guy appeared from the back in his hastily applied bright orange jacket. I know this because my very brief search of the name of the company – one page of Google - turned up nothing. I know this because the Mayor of Our Street, who questions each and every city worker who has the bad luck to be assigned a project on our street, was nowhere to be found so they must have given her warning to steer clear. Now, whom they were watching? I’m unclear. They were parked across from The Dentist’s house. Maybe he’s been putting listening devices in fillings and knows too much. Maybe they’ve cottoned onto his massive gun collection and they know he’s planning a covert operation to take-over the government. Or maybe it had nothing to do with The Dentist or the government and they members of the mob and were trying to kidnap the former senator that is rumored to live just down the street. All I know is that when I made my way back around to the truck, the agent was outside the van again and made a point of smiling and waving at me in an innocent non-villain way. Unnerved, I let my guard down for a moment and waved back and almost bumped into his buddy coming from the direction of our house dressed in an ill-fitting vest and carrying suspicious looking tools. Meaning maybe it’s us that are the focus of the investigation. Tigger the Dog did just murder a chipmunk and I mentioned it here. Perhaps they think that chipmunk is code for a hit man spy and they’ve come to see what we know. OR MAYBE, we’ve joked about our dead next door neighbors enough for it to reach the red flag stage where they send someone out to investigate and they’ve set up a sting to catch The Handyman guy that Husband is sure has killed the neighbors. Though why The Handyman would kill the neighbors and then pick up their mail everyday and do their yard work, I don’t know. Husband is sure they’re dead. I’m sure they’re in their house in Bali living the life. But maybe I’m wrong and they have The Handyman under surveillance until they can find where he hid the bodies... It’s possible that this post won’t even go out. That they’ll cotton onto my suspicions and shut it down and put up a ‘Sorry, we’re experiencing technical difficulties’ sign or perhaps a picture of an innocent looking kitty cat or flowers or something. Or maybe it’s me! Maybe they’re coming to get me. Maybe I was abandoned as a child and raised in a secret location where I was taught all manor of ancient weaponry and killing skills and then hypnotized to live a normal life until the secret phrase is whispered to me. Then I travel incognito to wherever they send me, dispatch whomever they needed dead and then return home non-the wiser. It would explain all my weird bruises and strange soreness and my need to nap endlessly and my very violent dreams. It would explain why I walk into a room and can’t remember why I’m there – because the hypnosis is causing gaps in my memory! The van is the government trying to see what I’ll do next. They’re trying to gather evidence to take down the cult. Or they are the ones controlling me, sending the secret phrase to me in the call of the Owl. Now that I know, now that you know, they’ll have to shut me down. It’s very possible that this will be my last post. If you don’t hear from me again, check under the sixth step on the stairs to the attic. Everything is written down; names, dates, money exchanges, bad guy names... Remember me well.
4 Comments
ej
4/17/2015 03:43:59 am
Brian - FAN-TAS-TIC!!! It was JUST LIKE THAT!!!
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Q.D
4/17/2015 09:31:32 pm
I have a friend who wondered why a Van was parked outside her house for a couple of weeks on end, so went and knocked on the window to discover the Feds were staking out one of her neighbours! True Story! :D
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ej
4/18/2015 02:48:07 am
SEEEEEEEE!!!! Q.D., I'm not crazy! These things happen and it's very possible that they could be happening to me right now! I don't know why Husband can "believe" that the neighbors were killed by their handyman and not believe that someone has the neighborhood staked out in an underground pipe viewing van. Totally makes sense to me that someone near us has something going on that needs watching...!
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AuthorMy name is ej. I'm a girl. I say that because with the short hair and the short initials, folks aren't always sure. More brilliant insights to who I am in About me Archives
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