So said Husband the other night.
Husband is known for saying things like this. Quite frankly, among my friends, Husband is known for thinking every party invitation is a possible key party waiting to happen. Every invite we get to a new friends house, he’ll question their intentions before we get there. “What if they are swingers?” he’ll ask me. “What would you do?” I usually roll my eyes and snort and tell him he’s being an idiot. But he’s planted a seed and now I have to plan for the “What if…” factor. A year ago we were following our new friend’s home from dinner to have a look at their house over a glass of wine or two and he asked me what I’d do if we got to their house and they met us at the door naked. He was joking, of course, but Husband has a way of joking with me that makes me worry he might be right. And I have a way of worrying about everything. So there I am, sitting in the car on the way to our new friend’s house, giggling about the possibility that our new friends are swingers and totally freaking out that they might actually be swingers and trying to plan the best possible exit strategy should they proposition us in the kitchen. I got so weirded out that when we finally got settled on their couch, wine in hand, I blurted out his whole theory, key party and all and we all had a good laugh. “Nothing to worry about,” they said. “Totally not our thing.” And then they invited us to stay with them in the Caribbean and Husband brought up swingers again and the panic giggles set right back in. I’m babbling about this because the title of this article caught my eye: Hundreds attend meeting on swingers club's possible move near school. SO many questions – first and foremost, that title is misleading. I know I’m a bit messed in the head but I read that to mean that hundreds of people attended the meeting on the swingers club and totally missed the part about the school. “Wow” I thought, “lots of folks are really into this swinging stuff. Husband must be right.” And then, of course, I actually read the article and the opposite seems to be true – at least in that neighborhood. Then I wondered if they aren’t an “adult business,” like a bookstore or porn shop, how do folks know what they do there? I’m assuming they don’t have a sign out front in flashing neon that says ‘Swingers Club: Leave Your Keys in the Bowl.’ Did some upstanding citizen stumble into the club one night “by accident” and stick around to see what was going on? It’s totally possible, right? An ex-boyfriend of mine “stumbled” into a gay bar in San Francisco and stayed to see what all the fuss was about so the same thing could happen to swingers club, right? And then there’s this: … there is a legal definition of "adult entertainment." "When they fought this in the court process, as long as they have 50 percent plus one of non-adult, then they're allowed there," Bennett said. What the hell does that mean? That if there’s a kid in the house, it’s okay? And how old of a kid is this "non-adult"? Seventeen? Two? Twelve? And 50 percent of what - Swingers? And the other 50 percent? Have they just “stumbled” into the house and are hanging about? And let's talk about the kind of therapy that non-adult is going to need if he’s witnessing key parties every night. Heck, let’s talk about the amount of therapy I’m going to need having read this article. I mean, we got invited to a Valentine’s Day party at a new friend’s house. That’s sure to be something kinky, right? I’m just going to have to leave my keys at home.
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AuthorMy name is ej. I'm a girl. I say that because with the short hair and the short initials, folks aren't always sure. More brilliant insights to who I am in About me Archives
April 2019
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