The text I got from Husband while I was sitting in the doctor’s waiting room and while he was in the examination room read simply: No sign of a gown.
I burst out laughing. People looked. I thought about explaining the saga of Husband and his Y-fronts and the missing gowns but decided against it. Probably a wise move on my part. Most of the crowd sitting in the waiting room was over eighty. I’m not sure they would have understood let alone cared that Husband was about to be “violated again” because of me. When I saw Husband half an hour later, he was blushing. And walking funny. Sort of a wide-stance hitch-wiggle as he walked. As soon as we left the room, he started sharing his trauma. I heard all about the squishing. I heard all about the poking. I heard all about the humiliation. I heard about everything. “Didn’t she give you a tissue?” I asked, as Husband walked awkwardly to the car. ‘”Nope. There was no cuddling after.” More than the missing gown, Husband was quite horrified that the nurse was called into witness his violation. I forgot to warn him that would happen. That in a world where everyone is suing everyone, the doctors have to protect themselves, hence the second set of eyes in the room. “Well, Dr. Jerry Springer never did that,” said Husband, still pink with shame. It’s turning out that Dr. Jerry Springer did a lot of things to Husband that real doctors don’t do. It has not helped my case trying to convince Husband to make this physical an annual thing. Anyway, Doctor asked Nurse to come in and observe the procedure. Husband dropped his pants, bent over and held onto the table. Turn cough. Finger in. Finger out. Done. Husband said to Nurse, “Is this your punishment? “Nope.” she replied, “It’s yours.” Point to nurse! Pants up and buckled, blood taken, pee given and a prescription for antibiotics, we were done for the year. Husband has his appointment for next year all lined up in the calendar but whether or not he goes is up to him. I can’t take the suspense - or the laughing.
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AuthorMy name is ej. I'm a girl. I say that because with the short hair and the short initials, folks aren't always sure. More brilliant insights to who I am in About me Archives
April 2019
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