Yesterday started with me losing my keys somewhere IN the house. I couldn’t find them anywhere but did find a bazillion tissues and napkins, almost a dollar in coins and enough dust bunnies to make a dustman. I had to call the boss to pick me up and bring me to work. Awesome. Then Husband came home on his lunch break, found my key, drove my car to work and now I owe him massive favor. Even more awesome.
AND THEN this happened: The Drop off class for three to five year olds started as my co-worker and I finished up our paperwork. About fifteen minutes in, the classroom door opened and the teacher sent out three boys who need to use the bathroom. “They may need watching.” She shouts as she turns back to her class.
The kids are fast. We turn just as one of the kids’ ducks into our teacher lounge.
ME: Oh! Wait…that’s for the teachers only.
THREE-AND-A-HALF-YEAR-OLD BOY: But there’s a toilet in here.
By the time I make it to door, his pants are down and he’s started. Sighing, I ask if he is okay.
THREE-AND-A-HALF-YEAR-OLD BOY: Yes.
I close the door slightly behind him and then I hear the two boys in the other bathroom.
FOUR-YEAR-OLD BOY: Hey, we can pee at the same time!
I rush over to the door and there they are, Four-Year-Old Boy and Three-Year-Old Boy peeing into the toilet at the same time.
Well, at least Four-Year-Old Boy was peeing INTO the toilet. Three-Year-Old Boy was peeing AT the toilet. His tiny penis pointing directly AT the rim of the toilet, NONE of the pee going IN the toilet. From the door I say, as encouraging as I can -
ME: Um… sweetie, why don’t you lift your penis up so your pee goes into the toilet?
He turns to me. His body - and his penis - turns too! Now he’s peeing AT the side of the rim.
ME: No! Don’t… Just pick it up and point… Just lift it…
HE turns back and lift he does, arching his back so he’s now peeing slightly over the lip.
ME: Um.. Can you hold it so it points into the toilet…?
But he is working hard to hold his shirt up out of the stream. And looking down to check that his shirt is still dry. And when he looks down, his penis dips down too. I’m trying not to laugh. I don’t have one of those. Perhaps my instructions, my suggestions are incorrect and this is how one pees with a penis...
And then they’re finished. Shaking my head and trying not to laugh, I watch as the Four-Year-Old Boy turns to leave.
ME: Okay... What needs to happen next?
FOUR-YEAR-OLD BOY: Wash our hands!
He leaps up onto the step at the sink. Three-Year-Old Boy is trying to pull up his big boy pants.
FOUR-YEAR-OLD BOY: He’s learning to pee in the potty. And he’s learning to go poop in the potty and not go poop in his pull-ups at night. He’s in big boy pants.
ME: I can see that.
Three-Year-Old Boy is still trying to pull up his big boy pants. As the pee runs down the side of the toilet and onto the floor.
ME: Well…don’t forget to flush boys.
And I turn and walk away to get the cleaning supplies, trying to keep my giggles quiet. As I hear the Four-Year-Old Boy tell the Three-Year-Old Boy not to step in the water that was his pee.
My name is ej. I'm a girl. I say that because with the short hair and the short initials, folks aren't always sure. More brilliant insights to who I am in About me