Last week, we noticed the AC guys had left a rather large hole for their pipes and that some beasties had been using it as an entrance to our house. Not being fans of creatures in our house, we filled the hole with insulation and steel wool, as the trusty Internet had indicated was one way to solve the problem. The next day, the insulation and the steel wool were in pieces on the ground. Problem not solved. So, Husband resorted to using expanding spray foam in the hole. And he used a lot of it. The wall now looks like it has a large orange goiter, the kind you see on Google when you search for strange bumps. We were feeling pretty proud of our quick and somewhat permanent solution. Until we realized that whatever had been in the hole was still in the house. You know what is not a restful way to go to sleep? Have your husband tell you that there was something on your desk at some point in the afternoon, knocked a bunch of stuff over and then ask you to come down to the basement at 11:30pm and look in the garage with him because he is sure he heard “something” moving about in there. Nightmares! THEN, just when things couldn’t get creepier, Husband called to me while I was in the garden weeding and told me he’d just spotted the beast under the tool cabinet. A mad rush into the house I went, down onto my knees to see where the bugger went and discovered that what was under the tool cabinet was not a chipmunk but a SNAKE! A #$%!&*#$%!&* BIG SNAKE! What followed was a mess of me trying to get pictures and video of the snake and post them to Facebook and email them to my mother and brother and fifth cousin and the guy I knew in high school - all while Husband was actively trying to get the snake out of the house. It took Husband a few tries but he finally got snake outside and onto the wall near the driveway. A wall I will now never go on, go near, or look at ever again. FYI, fireplace tongs do not work. Neither does trying to scoop it onto a stick. Or pretending you are okay with grabbing its tail like they do on the discovery channel. What does work; a broomstick with a tiny noose dangling from the end, slipped over the head of the snake. Apparently me, running around squealing, darting back and forth and generally adding to the chaos was, according to Husband, not helpful at all. Also not helpful, my mother suggesting that we KEEP THE SNAKE INSIDE THE HOUSE because he could eat chipmunks and mice and the like. Or my uncle emailing me this advice: Next time you feel like you have to transport a snake, it’s best to just drag it from mid-body (you wouldn’t like being dangled by your neck, I imagine) or gently lift it into a plastic garbage can or the like. NEXT TIME??? Next time I’m moving after burning the house down as so many of my Facebook friends suggested I do. You know what else isn’t helpful, Husband and I trying to figure out how the snake got into the house? Was it through the hole the AC guys or the hole in the screen or the chimney or the deep down in the dirt through a chipmunk hole and into the cinderblock? Also totally not conducive to a good nights sleep ever again; Husband reading me lovely facts from a Rat snake removal website like THE FEMALE WILL REMAIN PREGNANT FOR UP TO THE THREE MONTHS AND CAN GIVE BIRTH TO AS LITTLE AS 3 SNAKES AND AS MUCH AS 80 SNAKES. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Let me tell you, going outside and trying to weed again after that excitement did not go as planned. Sure I grabbed and pulled a bunch of stuff but the after the tick I spotted crawling up my arm and the five hundred possible snake sightings I had no choice but to quit and run inside to the safety of the couch. I might never leave the house again. Well, until the damn snake babies hatch from wherever the snake left them and they slither into bed with me and I run screaming down the street. Yeah, I’m never sleeping again. Here's a short sideways video of Husband removing the dang thing. Note Tigger the Dog trying to figure out what all the fuss was about. Just for a bit of perspective, Husband is 6ft tall!
5 Comments
Q.D
5/2/2015 06:58:48 pm
Hahahaha, this is not the post of someone who lives in Australia! :D
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ej
5/2/2015 10:20:09 pm
Q.D. - I thought of you as I wrote this post. I KNEW you'd have something to say about it because my first day in Australia, I saw a Diamondback Python and everyone there was like "Oh. Yeah." and I was like. "LOOK AT THAT SNAKE JUST RIGHT THERE NEXT TO ME!!!!" And my uncle, the biologist, was all "Would you like to see it closer?" And went to pick it up and I freaked out!
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Q.D
5/4/2015 05:35:23 pm
We used have a 2 metre Diamond Python living in the roof of my childhood home, we knew when he moved out because the possums moved in. I would take a snake over a possum ANY day!
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Q.D
5/4/2015 05:43:18 pm
And now I know your uncle that you mentioned in the main post talking about "next time you need to evict a snake" is in Australia, well that makes TOTAL sense as to why he thinks there will be a next time.
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ej
5/5/2015 11:53:36 pm
Q.D. - My uncle doesn't actually live in Australia, he's just been there for months at a time on sabbatical studying various birds. And he has a life long love of all things not human. Many a dinner with him has been ruined by his description of the insides of some creature. I, on the other hand, am totally okay with all beasts that are not in striking distance of my face! Leave a Reply. |
AuthorMy name is ej. I'm a girl. I say that because with the short hair and the short initials, folks aren't always sure. More brilliant insights to who I am in About me Archives
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