No, on second thought, it’s totally you.
Last Friday, I called to break up with the Chiropractor I’ve been seeing since October. I had wanted to end things for a long time but while I am good at a great many things, breaking up is not one of them. I’ve been married for ten years and I’m pretty sure that there are still some guys out there that think we might be still be dating. I actually once told a guy after a first date that I wasn’t dating anyone and only spent time with my friends. “We could be friends.” He said. “Sorry. All my male friends are gay.” I said. “So I have to go gay to be your friend?” he asked. “Um… yeah…that’s right. Because all my friends are gay...” Yeah, I suck at this breaking up stuff. This Chiropractor stuff all started when I got suckered into a set of x-rays and an exam after meeting one of the Chiropractor’s doctors at a fair. Because my back was such a mess and they were very nice and the treatment plan seemed logical, I signed up for a series of adjustments I’d promptly regretted. The adjustments were not the problem, it was the Chiropractor rhetoric that they spouted, that only way of living life that they tried to ingrain in our brains along with inappropriate – I felt - God references to everything they did and said. Husband said I’d joined a cult. He was not wrong. The God stuff was easy enough to ignore but as time went on, I became more and more unhappy with my time in the treatment room. The Chiropractor, Doctor J, would come in, barely say hello, adjust me in the exact same way each and every time and send me out of the room. The adjustments would only change if I mentioned something felt out of place in my back, like when my rib was out or my hip had slipped again. If I didn’t say anything, the adjustment would be the same; mid back while I lay face down, on the side for my left hip, turn over for right hip, sit up for neck and I’d be done. Sure there was some back and forth rapport but only if I started it. I was one in a number of patients and if I didn’t say anything, they would move onto the next patient with a distracted “Good-bye” thrown over their shoulder, mostly in my direction. In fact, the last time I went in, Doctor J came in and adjusted my back before even saying hello! He only acknowledged me AFTER I said a sarcastic “And hello to you.” as I was turning onto my side. He then spent the rest of the short time with me complaining about another patient who said they couldn’t afford to get their child Chiropractic care but got them glasses and braces. Serious fail. Which is why Friday morning found me on the phone attempting to terminate my treatment agreement. The office manager – who happens to be his mother – asked me if I would be okay if Doctor J could talk with me. Assuming she would go get him, I said “Sure”, gearing myself up for it, but Doctor J was “unavailable until Saturday morning” and “could he call me then?” I should have said no. I should have said, I think it’s best if we just end things here. Breaking up with someone and then agreeing to talk about why never works but then she said “we can’t fix a problem unless we know what we’re doing wrong.” And this was something Doctor J could fix so I agreed. Which is why, Saturday morning I was sitting on the couch waiting for his phone call. And waiting. And waiting. And remembering why I hated dating and breaking up with boys I was dating and kicking myself for not just saying no and then the phone rang and it was Doctor J and I was thankful again that I’m married and never have to break up with a boy again. I considered not answering and just sending a letter but this is my year of telling the truth, which is why I picked up the phone on a sunny Saturday morning to break up with a Chiropractor. And it went just as well as my last break up, which is to say horribly. It started off with an awkward greeting from me, a somewhat bitchy response from him – “I’m fine. Well, I’m not fine. This situation is not a good one.” I came back with a painful stuttering explanation about how I was feeling, that I wasn’t great with confrontations which is why I hadn’t mentioned my unhappiness before but that I was trying to be truthful this year (yes, I know I sound like I’m from California), and then he slid right into defending himself by attacking me and my understanding of his “goals” and the whole thing went downhill from there. In the eighteen-minute conversation, Doctor J said the following: This is where my ego comes out for my profession. I’ve never been more focused on my practice and if my tableside manner isn’t what a patient expects… My goal was to correct your spine not… I can’t woo a patient… I tell other doctors that I get through 500 patients a week verses their 100 because I’m not laying my hands on their legs… They think it’s what a patient wants. I call that stroking the patient… It could have gone well, it could have been a constructive conversation for him and a learning tool for me but it was none of those things. He alternated between declaring his way was the right way, the only way to treat patients and then asking me to come back so that they could have a second chance. He said that he would do his very best to make me feel like I was getting the treatment I “felt I deserved.” right after saying that his “tableside manner” wasn’t his goal. At one point he even said that I was not the only patient that had complained about his “table side manner of late” and even went so far as to share that a long-term patient had mentioned his unhappiness and he was on the list to call next. “I know exactly why he’s upset with me.” He said in a somewhat dismissive tone. He and his patient, Bob (not his real name), were in a conversation and Doctor J’s wife - also a Chiropractor in this office - came in and hugged Bob and that while Wife and Bob were saying hello, Doctor J walked out of the room without saying anything. “Bob knew I had a patient and he understood.” But dude, if that is the case, then why is Bob unhappy? Why am I unhappy? Why are other patients unhappy? I do not think it’s unreasonable to require the Chiropractor to “lay his hands” on my body before adjusting my spine no matter what my x-rays from three weeks ago said my spine looked like. I don’t care what your overall x-ray results are. I don’t care that you can hold them up against any other Chiropractor's results. If I feel like I’m a slab on your table without a name or feelings, I’m not coming back. Phew. It was rough. But, unlike my break ups in the past, I didn’t lie about my reasons. I didn’t sugarcoat things to make him feel better. I didn’t let him guilt me back into treatment. I didn’t invent a move to another country or an ex-boyfriend I was still in love with or tell him I needed time to figure out who I was. I just ended it. And when I tried to end things on a good note, emphasizing that his staff was awesome and friendly and made a point of greeting me and chatting with me about my day and asking what is happening with me and he said, “Well, I make a point of training my staff so that is a reflection of me.” ?!?!?! Yeah, right! It is not me, Doctor J. It’s you. It is totally all you.
2 Comments
Coming Back In
1/19/2015 03:52:05 am
At long last, after all our years in high school, reading this post makes me realize, I don't have to pretend to be gay to be your friend. What a relief.
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ej
1/19/2015 04:24:11 am
Um... yeah. Sure. But I am still in love with my ex-boyfriend and trying to find myself so don't be too bothered if I don't get in touch...
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AuthorMy name is ej. I'm a girl. I say that because with the short hair and the short initials, folks aren't always sure. More brilliant insights to who I am in About me Archives
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