Soooooo, it started with this weird patch on my back just under my bra strap that I was sure was skin cancer and Husband was sure was a zit I’d been picking. I talked about going to the doctor – which means I said, “I probably should go to the doctor...” But I didn’t. It was the end of the year and the insurance situation was obnoxious and my “should” turned into just putting some cream on it and ignoring it.
And then one day there was a weird patch on my neck that didn’t look like the one my back – like I could see the one on my back -and I still ignored it. I’m a dork. Husband joked that I had shingles. I laughed. Brother and Sister-in-law laughed. I still didn’t go to the doctor. And then yesterday, I noticed a tiny weird patch on my arm and another teeny patch on my wrist and two more weird spots on my shoulder and I figured my “should” really had to become a “must go now!” So off I went, looking for a clinic at 5pm on a Thursday night. Because I was a dork and didn’t decide I needed to go to the doctor when this thing first showed up and even more of a dork to spend the day wondering if more than one spot was a sign of something bad. I rolled up to the CVS clinic just after 5pm, signed in and the computer told me they had no space for me before closing. #$%#$%#!!! Off I went to Kroger across the street, which apparently wasn’t the one with the clinic. Fail. Seven miles down at the other Kroger, she wouldn’t accept my insurance because we’re in Network E and they “tried but we couldn’t get a contract…” I told her I’d pay out of pocket but she just gave me a wincing smile and told me they needed to “scan something...” I restrained myself from telling her what body part she could scan and went back to my car, on the verge of tears over stupid skin rash that hadn’t killed me yet, would likely not kill me right then and seriously kicking myself for being such. A. Dork. Sitting in a car in a dark parking lot next to a dumpster talking to yourself when it’s 28 degrees is not a healthy place to be. Thankfully, there were no witnesses – see above 28 degrees – and my laughter kicked in before I became officially crazy. I made the decision to give this clinic thing one more try and went off to Walgreens.. Finally at the Walgreens clinic a very chatty Family Nurse Practitioner diagnosed me with –wait for it – RINGWORM!!! AAAAACCCCCKKKKK!!! How is it that I can make it through twenty-five plus years of teaching theatre and working in various elementary schools and preschools without getting this and then now, when I’m not working with kids, get one of the things on the dang checklist letter they send home as a warning??? Dear Parent or Guardian: Your child may have recently been exposed to ringworm. Ringworm is a common fungal infection that may affect the body, feet, or scalp…. YUCK!!! And you know what’s really yuck – Google ringworm and click on images. AWESOME nastiness. And none of the pictures really look like what I’ve got but once you start looking, you can’t stop. And when you can’t stop, you can’t help thinking you’re going to die of whatever that dude in the picture has on his junk – cause his junk, that is on display for all to see, is covered in some NASTY shit!!! And get this; according to my mother who I called to share my saga with, I had ringworm when I was a child in Zambia. I don’t remember being in Zambia as a child. I don’t’ remember having ringworm. And I don’t remember the woman who apparently told my mother I got it from a strawberry patch. WHAT??? I now have an expensive cream I have to spread over my spots twice a day for ten days. Joy. I’m also out $150 bucks since my insurance card was rejected. Dang you, Network E! And then there is the stupid shame because; I if I’d actually followed through with my “I should go to the doctor….” I wouldn’t have had to do a mad dash all over the county last night looking for someone to tell me I’m an idiot. Ugh. I am a dork. Now, to figure out where the heck I got the stupid thing and make sure they aren’t giving it to anyone else! Totally think I got it from the chiropractor’s office and the neck thing they use... Then again, you can get it from dogs… Yeah, I’m off to disinfect my house and everything in it. ICK!
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AuthorMy name is ej. I'm a girl. I say that because with the short hair and the short initials, folks aren't always sure. More brilliant insights to who I am in About me Archives
April 2019
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