Actually, it probably hasn’t but I’m just making an effort to mark things down, take note of feelings that matter, that change the flow of angst and itchiness inside.
Yesterday was a good day for many reasons – small and big ones. This is the highlight reel that ran through my head as I slipped into sleep:
The sun was shining when I woke up, slowly climbing itself out behind the hillside and peaking between the budding leaves of the trees. The grass is so green and lush and the fact that it’s mostly weeds doesn’t matter when the sunrise hits it as Tigger the Dog does her business in the most inopportune place.
My back was in agony but far less distress than the day before. I wasn’t walking like a constipated 80yr man so much as a stiff athlete after an attempt at a gold medal. And if I walked slow enough, it just looked like I had purpose - or at least that's what I'm telling myself people thought as I waddled grandly into the doctor's office.
The doctor was entertaining. She thought my story jokes were funny and gave me an awesomely painful shot in the butt. The shot itself wasn’t painful. The slow spread of drugs from my butt cheek, down my leg and up my back was a wicked burning fire that soon mellowed into a warm glow and dumbed down the spasms. She also gave me a steroid pack that makes thoughts and me less fuzzy, and everything much more sharp and perky and bright. Such a change from the woolly haze I’ve been in for the past two months.
A friend of a friend came by to look at the retaining wall project and was personable and knowledgeable and the project seemed like a possibility. He didn’t make fun of my garden attempts up till now. He was suitably gob smacked when I told him people use our driveway all the time to do a U-turn. He was impressed with my stupidity, marveling at the large rocks I’ve moved when I shouldn’t have. AND Larry the Owl watched us talk for fifteen minutes from a tree not ten feet from us, out in the open on a tiny branch letting us get close enough to take pictures with our camera phones of him scouring the ground for chipmunks before flying off.
I had dinner with a bright and interesting and absolutely stunning girl who’s just as confused about this life thing as I am. Talking with her made me happy I’m not alone, troubled about her past journeys but delighted to be a she could see there are others out here just as confused and muddled about direction as she is but still putting foot in front of foot and moving forward. Or standing still for moments at time and just being okay with that choice. I am excited for a friendship that is just beginning to blossom and so honored that she reached out to me to share it with.
All that was wonderful but then I got to go hear Husband play and marvel over how much he’s grown as a performer and writer and all around inspiring to me guy. Then he played the song he first played for me on our second date, which made me all gooey and warm inside – and I don’t think that was just a side-effect from the third dose of steroid pills I took. And I got to share moments in the bar with friends we’ve made over the past year here in Nashville, hear live music – some of it really, really good – and just be present in the moment.
Last night, when I lay in bed, the heated mattress pad warming my weird broken body, sleep pulling me in, taking time to revisit the day, all the moments measured up to a good one.
Here’s hoping today is just as good. Actually, I'm going to shoot for better than good. I'm going to shoot for a great day.
These steroids sure make me feel that anything is possible!