When Husband says, “I think this is a Brown Recluse Spider next to Tigger the Dog’s bowl.” I should know not to look up a Brown Recluse on the Internet, click images and scroll down. I should know better because every time I’ve done that, I’ve seen something gross. And every time I see something gross, keep clicking on the link that takes me some place even grosser and more puss filled and then I can’t sleep.
Or rather, I can sleep but there are massive spiders crawling all over me in my dreams and my hands are full of nasty wounds and then my fingers eventually fall off leaving me with puss filled holes. So, I should know better.
But I don’t.
Every single time someone says, “don’t look. It’s gross.” I look. I cannot not look! And every time, I get completely grossed out and have weird nightmare dreams that end up with me loosing body parts.
Did you know there is a video of a dude squeezing a zit, the biggest zit I’ve ever seen? I do because someone told me about it and told me not to look. So, of course, I did look and I almost got sick it was so gross. So then, what did I do? I looked at other zits getting squeezed because – well, because there is obviously something totally wrong with me!
And YES, I totally just Googled it again and watched it AGAIN!
It was a Brown Recluse by the way. I know this because when I Googled images, I found THIS:
And then, because I’m me, I scrolled down and I found this - DON’T CLICK ON THE LINK IF YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE GROSS.
And now I’m 100% sure there is a nap in my future because I didn’t sleep well, what with the loosing of limbs and killing of massive deadly spiders.
Off I go to check the inside of ALL of my shoes and vacuum ALL the dark corners. Followed by, I think, a nap in the sunshine, on the clean couch that lives nowhere near the dog bowl, where hopefully my dreams will be filled with nothing but rainbows and butterflies...
Wait, do butterflies bite?
Crap. Now I have to Google that. Good-bye nap in the sunshine. It's going to be a looong day.