I’ve got my annual physical today. And, because of who I am – a pessimistic optimist – I’m sure she’s going to tell me I have an incurable disease and I’m going to die.
They never do but this is how my brain operates. Yesterday, for no reason, my middle finger suddenly swelled and turned purple. That can’t help a person like me think fatally at a time like this. A few years ago, the doc found tumors in my uterus. They were fibroid tumors and benign but I left the doctors office sobbing. I called my mother in a panic. She was less than supportive in my angst. In fact, she was down right sarcastic and logical and who wants that when you’re in a crisis? ME: I have fibroid tumors mom! MOM: Oh. I had those. ME: She said they’re the size of a walnut. MOM: Neat. Mine were the size of a grapefruit. They shrink with menopause. ME: I’m going to die! MOM: Yes you will. Some day. But these won’t kill you. Husband used to be like that too. Until the time I went to the doctor for the dark patches of skin I have all over my face. I was sure it was skin cancer. It wasn’t. It was, the doctor said, Melasma Gravidarum, otherwise known as pregnancy mask. That had to be a bad thing as I wasn’t pregnant, right? But no, it turns out those pesky birth control pills I’d taken to not get pregnant had given me the symptoms of pregnancy. (Shakes fist at universe while screaming “Damn you”) Husband had a friend in town visiting and as a result, wasn’t in the least interested in my possible death diagnosis. In fact, I think he’d forgotten the whole thing. He didn’t ask me about the appointment. He didn’t ask me if I was okay. And so, being female, I chose to not mention it to him and stew in the deep pool of resentment until he was properly apologetic. It didn’t help his case that his friends staying with us had been married for years. Not only did the husband remember my doctors appointment, but he also remembered to ask how it’d had been and he was properly concerned with the outcome. His wife had trained him well. Husband did not do any of those things. Hours later, when he finally remembered to ask I was less than forthcoming with the correct information. HUSBAND: What did the doctor say? ME after a long sullen dramatic pause: She said I have pregnancy mask. HUSBAND: WHAT? ME after a sigh filled with deep angst: Pregnancy mask. You get it when you’re pregnant. HUSBAND who was now swerving all over the road: WHAT??? YOU’RE PREGNANT??? I DON’T WANT A BABY! HOW CAN YOU BE PREGNANT?!!! The screaming went on for a long time. His friend, sitting in the front seat was in tears he was laughing so hard. I was sitting in the back trying to not make eye contact with husband in the mirror. I waited a long, long time before answering. The yelling and cussing had almost stopped. The laughing had not. ME: No. I just have pregnancy mask. From the birth control pills. HUSBAND: Damn you. You almost gave me a heart attack. ME: Lesson learned. Husband now calls seconds after I’ve left the doctor. He’s even learned to be sympathetic to any and all possible diagnoses' I might have. I call him now before my mom. When you’ve just learned you’re not dying, it’s better to talk to someone who will fake care about it.
2 Comments
Sara K
10/11/2013 01:18:30 am
I got a really nasty melasma mask from BC, and my ppituitary adenoma (Benign tumor in the pituitary gland in the brain which controls all your female and yes male hormones). My OBGYN sent me to a specialist dermatologist who basically wanted to exfolliate the large patches off my very pale skin, leaving blister and severe burning and red for months. I tried oon tratment in burnt like hell and I wouldn't do it again. I figured I live with it forever. I even stopped wearing mke up to hide it as a way to rebel against it. Three years later still no make up... But I also don't havE the patches anymore. All I used was gentle Cetaphil cleanser and moisturizer. Moral of the story... Don't pay a fortune for skin care products as your skin naturally exfolliates itself over time with the gentlest of treatments that don't cost an arm and a leg.
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ej
10/11/2013 02:31:18 am
Sara K - I never wear make-up either. I'm too lazy! I bought on skin treatment thing that burned and gave up. My skin is what it is!
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AuthorMy name is ej. I'm a girl. I say that because with the short hair and the short initials, folks aren't always sure. More brilliant insights to who I am in About me Archives
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