A few weeks ago, I wrote about going shopping with my friend for a new ‘style.’ I spoke about feeling lost and unsure about whom I’d become, that my clothing always used to serve as sort of a uniform to inform my self. That it used to be that 'When I put them on, there I was.' I babbled quite a bit about my loss of self because, in my mind, that is what my problem was. Then I wrote this sentence, 'Now, I hate shopping and I am totally not fond of the body I currently have…' and babbled some more about finding my self. Which is what the whole thing was about. Or so I thought. But I must have been mistaken because then Husband read the piece and came to me and said, “If you want to lose weight, I can help you with that.” And then he launched into a lecture of how I could best lose weight which was/is ironic because he's not much better off than me. Apparently boy ears hear differently than girl ears. And boy eyes see differently than girl eyes. And Husband's are always helpful in not quite the right way. Because since then – and heck, even before then – Husband has been ragging me on my diet. "You shouldn't..." "You should..." "If you just..." Whatever! My diet is poor, I will admit. I am currently addicted to potato chips in a way that is unhealthy. My psyche is working through some stuff and using fat and salt to do it. Bad food unhealthy has always been my drug of choice, perhaps because my mother wouldn’t let us eat it. See how I worked “It’s my mother’s fault” in there? That takes practice, folks! Anyway, Husband’s vocal food shaming has led me to sneak chips into the house and hide my face-filling from him, waiting until he’s in the basement or outside with the dog or in the shower to sneak a few chips and quickly munch my feelings quiet. The guilt was starting to weigh on me. To which I hear Husband say that guilt was not the only thing ‘weighing’ on me. Whatever, Husband. Because right, after the intense lecture I’d given myself to make healthier choices opened the fridge candy drawer and found this!!! Now Husband is free to make the point that giving myself a "to be healthier you must eat healthier" lecture and then opening the candy drawer means my lecture was a bust BUT I’d like to point out that everything you see is his. EVERYTHING!!!
AND, by the way, that is the drawer in the fridge designated for vegetables! If I can't call a potato chip a vegetable, he sure as hell can't call a coco bean one! So, Husband can preach till my ears bleed but we are BOTH guilty of eating our feelings. The end. (I will be played by Cate Blanchett and Husband will be played by Jason Momoa in the movie version of this story.)
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AuthorMy name is ej. I'm a girl. I say that because with the short hair and the short initials, folks aren't always sure. More brilliant insights to who I am in About me Archives
April 2019
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