We became members of Fight Club Friday night. I can talk about it because I wasn’t a willing participant. Frankly no one was a willing participant except the instigator, Tigger the Dog, but since we’re all part of the fight, I’ll do my best to blather out about the war.
I was on the couch, bright green covered leg elevated, minding my own business perusing the Internet for something new while Husband took the dogs out front for the post dinner pee. All was well as he came back in and I heard the chaos of the four-legged beasts milling about the entryway.
And then the growling and shouting began.
A sudden growl and yip and Husband started shouting at Tigger the Dog. There was cussing and growling and mayhem. I tried to see what was going on from the couch but only got glimpses of elbows and dog parts as the cussing got worse. I pulled myself up off the couch, flung the stool that was doubling as my table onto the couch, fumbled my crutches up off the floor and awkwardly shoved them under my armpits and stomped my way to the fight.
Tigger the Dog had Pepper by the neck and was shaking her like a rag doll. Pepper, obviously terrified, was doing her best to get free. Husband was shouting and trying to pull Tigger off Pepper. I stumbled my three-legged self into the skirmish and immediately realized it was a mistake. In the least graceful way, I lowered/threw/splayed myself on the floor and tried to get Pepper out of Tigger’s jaw while keeping Broken Ankle out of the fray. It was at this point I realized that Tigger had shook Pepper so hard, shit flew out of her and around the room. And I was not sure I wasn’t sitting it.
The fight continued and I had to put my possible shit covered ass aside.
By this point, Husband, still shouting, had Tigger up by her hind legs and was pulling. I grabbed Tigger’s jaw and tried to pry it open. Pepper, not understanding I was on her side, bit my thumb. It was about two minutes of pulling and shouting and snarling and shaking and yapping before I finally got the jaw open and Pepper pulled free and Husband had wrestled Tigger to her crate and pinned her in. Joe Boxer, having watched the fight in confusion, came over to check Pepper out. Pepper was having none of that and attempted to crawl up my body and into my shirt leaving a trail of blood. Holes in her forehead and two large holes in her neck gushed.
Husband crated Joe and I got on the phone for the Vet. It was at this point that he realized his hand was totally swollen and I realized that my thumb was bleeding and we both realized we were shaking. Pepper was wrapped up in a towel for the trip to the emergency vet and, while I waited for Husband to bring the car around, I wiped shit off my butt and the floor.
When we got home later that night, hundreds of dollars poorer with a shaved and stoned Pepper in tow, we were too tired to bother going to the ER for our own injuries. I soaked the heck out of the thumb and Husband iced his now Stay Puff Marshmallow sized hand as we sat on the couch in a stupor. We’d be fine, we thought.
An ER visit to prevent a possible infection in the thumb bite that could settle in my new ankle jewelry and rot off my leg, a bad hives reaction to medication, another ER visit for me and for one for Husband and his possible broken hand, another very bad hives episode and we’re still dealing with the repercussions of Fight Club.
Pepper is now understandably terrified of Tigger the Dog. Tigger the Dog is now an unknown entity in our once happy home. And Joe Boxer is still an idiot.
What happens now, who knows? We’ve a call into the Vet for her opinion on the battle. I’ve got a call into my Doc for her opinion on the hives. Husband has lots of opinions and I don’t like any of them. Joe Boxer has no opinions because he’s dumb as a box of rocks.
Right now, the dumb box of rocks is my favorite and I'm still itching. This not at all boring life we're leading is expensive and exhausting.
Anybody want a dog?
My name is ej. I'm a girl. I say that because with the short hair and the short initials, folks aren't always sure. More brilliant insights to who I am in About me