Finding a couple that Husband likes and is willing to spend time with is like finding a house he can eat in – pretty non-existent. We’ve found couples before, even here in Nashville, but schedules being what they are, our second dates are slow in coming. Or it’s us. I choose to believe it’s a schedule thing or I’m going to have to stay in a ball crying…
Anyway, Saturday night, we were going to do dinner and then go back to their house for a tour of their DIY projects and some wine. In the car on the way to the restaurant, I was chatting away, nervous about the night when Husband said to me –
HUSBAND: What are you going to do when we get to their house, and they meet us at the front door with a glass of wine and both of them are naked?
Now, I laughed. Of course I laughed. It’s quite an image – the look on our faces if that was to happen. But then I got mad. Husband ALWAYS does stuff like this. Like saying inappropriate things about his father and my mother getting “it on” right before we are scheduled to have a big family dinner with them. Or suggesting the dopey guy in the bar is making eyes at me so I get all stupid and defensive when he asks me about my day.
Or like years ago, when we were invited by the neighbors to dinner. The neighbors who lived just down the street from us and had met husband while walking one day and invited us to join them and another couple for a meal. The dinner date I was excited about until husband asked -
HUSBAND: What if they are swingers and they meet us at the door with a bowl full of keys?
I laughed then too but, a month later, a month of Husband making jokes about naked parties and orgies with the min-van set, I was a wreck. How big of a wreck? Well, let’s just say, I didn’t bring any keys to the party and all my bits and bobs were tastefully and thoroughly covered despite the fact that it was 80degs and I was overheating. And that when they met us at the door, I checked out the other couples to make sure there was no leering or winking or some sort of sign before I left the safety of the front door and sat down. And that I was even more relieved when I saw the other couple had brought their children with them. Not that I thought Husband was going to be right – just very glad he wasn’t. In fact, it turned out to be a very nice dinner. They were charming. We were charming. The other couples children were attempting to be charming but really ended up on the annoying side. It was a good time. We had some things in common but not really enough for a second date. (FYI - do NOT look up images for 'swingers key bowl' first thing Monday morning. Even if it is for research. It is not pretty. That is why there is no image in this post. My eyes are traumatized.) (FYII - this was going to be the title but I was afraid I'd scare you off.)
So flash forward to this past Saturday night, we’ve just had dinner and made it back to the couple’s house - a long windy drive though farmland into the depths of Tennessee in the dark. Husband making little swinger jokes all the while. At the house, we met the dogs, had the tour and then sat in the den for wine and chatting. And running thorough my head was Husband’s stupid question: “What if they…” It was making me awkward – more so than usual - so I took a big gulp of wine and I told them what Husband had said to me. I figured if they were going to bring out the key bowl, now would be the time, right after I’d told them that Husband thought they might.
Thankfully they didn’t. Even better, they laughed. I mean, of course they laughed. Of course they wouldn’t be swingers and make a move on us. Of course Husband was wrong. And we had a lovely time fully clothed in their house. And they did not in the least seem upset that Husband had all but called them swingers and I’d kind of but not really suspected that they might be…
I am starting to think; Husband and I might have something to do with there not being ever being a second date.