This is a common pose at our house of late: Joe Boxer/Joseph climbing into Husband’s lap for a cuddle and Pepper the Wannabe Cat on a towel next to me. It’s quite funny how small he thinks he is. Joe, that is. Husband is fully aware of his size. Both Joe’s and his own.
I digress. We had movie night on Saturday. FIL (Father in Law), Husband and I were tucked into our respective couch corners. Pepper the Wannabe Cat crawled into my lap. Joseph climbed into/onto/around Husband’s lap like he was 50lbs lighter than he is. The movie was about halfway through when Husband suddenly shouted then hunted around for his iPhone for the flashlight. What he saw in the light of the flash was so traumatizing that I’m sure to be dealing with fallout for years. Not the literal fallout. I dealt with that right there and then because while he was snuggled up on Husband’s lap, Joseph was thoroughly relaxed. So relaxed that his anal sac released A STREAM OF BROWN GOO down husband’s leg, onto the edge of the couch cushion and onto the floor. And by ‘brown goo’ I mean shit. A STREAM OF SHIT DRIBBLED OUT OF JOE’S BUTT and onto Husband’s leg. Yup. My dear OCD Husband - who will not let us leave dishes in the sink in case he gets poop on his hands, goes to wash it off, drips poop on the dishes, rendering those dishes dead to him forever – well, his worst nightmare came to life. I could not stop laughing as he rushed himself to the bathroom to decontaminate himself with massive amounts of antibacterial soap. Because I’ve been telling him about Joseph’s anal sac issues for a while now and have been thoroughly ignored. And, not having the ability to drive, have been unable to do anything but shake my head as Husband went on his way. But now, NOW I think he'll listen. There’s nothing like a little smelly proof to win an argument. And yes, a vet visit is in Joseph's future. And a shrink in Husband's. I’m still laughing.
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I don't know about you but I’m OVER Broken Ankle. This will be my last post blathering on about it. Unless, of course, something tragic and gross happens and I feel you need to hear and, of course, see all the gore and gook.
I broke the stupid thing twelve weeks ago yesterday. I'm now in a sexy Ankle Bustier for the foreseeable future and start physical therapy on Tuesday. Doc says the bone is healed and now it's time to work on the muscles and tendons, which, by the way, are PISSED OFF at me right now. Anyway, here are some things I've learned since June 9th:
I'm sure there are more bits of wisdom I've gained throughout this mess of an experience but I'm over it. I can't wait to define life as something other than Broken Ankle. With that in mind, below is a photo timeline of Broken Ankle in all its sexy purple wonder to close out this episode of my life. Enjoy. UPDATE: Apparently this post got folks feeling guilty. This was not my intent. I was just trying to express my feelings - imperfect as they are. Ah well. This was Husband's response to the comments on my FB page. And why I love him so very much. He. Is. Awesome. HUSBAND: It lools like there are a few folks that have read todays blog and are now feeling guilty......not sure why, we are big enough and ugly enough to ask for help. That being said, if you really really are stricken with overwhelming guilt, I have set up an Amazon Wish List "It's Never Too Late To Make It Up To ej" that has a few choice items on it ;) Included in this list are the following : Trip To Hawaii, Coffee Maker, Towel Set, Games Compendium, Cuddly Toy, TV, Boat, Private Jet, Butler (English not Gerard) and of course Leather Brief Case with $5,000,000. Because of Broken Ankle, the dogs getting let out the front door more often than the back door, an unusual amount of rain this summer, the usual amount of humidity, the lack of lawn care due to lawn guy getting fired for running over the light and generally making a mess of the yard, and my inability to do anything yard related, this guy has moved in to the patio wall. Though we delight in yelling “Beaver” every time we see him, this is not a Beaver. This is a Woodchuck or Groundhog. (For size reference, that's Pepper the Wannabe Cat's chewed up frisbee bottom left.)
Right now Mr. Woodchuck is cute and shy and runs every time he sees our shadows watching him from the den window but one day soon, the dogs will find him and the digging will begin. And when the digging begins, the yelling starts and when the yelling starts the neighbors will hate us. Not to mention our wallets can't handle any encounter our dumbass dogs are likely to have with Mr. Woodchuck. Especially since we know dogs will not win. So, as entertaining as we find our shouts of “Beaver!” Mr. Woodchuck’s eviction notice will have to be served. Since I am still incapacitated, I nominate Husband to do the evicting. He did such a nice job with the 5ft Rat Snake last summer. I’ll stand by with one hand on the video record button and the other on 911. Either way it goes, it’s sure to be a story worth telling – especially if any or all of us end up in the ER again. Until that day, we will continue to entertain ourselves by yelling; “BEAVER!” at the top of our lungs and then watching the dogs go mental and Mr. Woodchuck scurry away. We’re really just children in overgrown bodies… Eleven weeks ago yesterday, I broke three bones in my ankle. Well, I didn't break all three. Dumbass Joseph broke the first one and I broke the other two step-cussing after. Anyway, this is finally happening... I’m slow as the forty-year-old molasses Mom found in Grandma’s cupboard after she died - and then used. I now have the added benefit of being heard as I walk as both the front and the back of Broken Ankle crack - but I’ve always wanted to be musical. I'm only doing it in the house when I’m in dumbass dog-free zone because I'm still feeling fragile around them - oh and everything else. Broken Ankle vacillates between a lovely 'dusky rose' and not so lovely 'red purple'. And I haven't attempted stairs or anything more complicated than to and from the bed to the bathroom or the couch to the kitchen while holding a crutch or the wall or the couch but it is progress - I am technically walking
Small gentle dance of joy. The next step (ha ha) will be driving. Now that Husband has replaced the tire on my Smart that he put a hole in last week. Likely on purpose so I wouldn't sneak out and try while he was out of the house. Whatever. I'm onto him. Anyway, Doc told me I could drive once I could put 100% weight on my foot and I was to drive with a shoe on and put Boot on when I got out. Small tiny problem with that is that Broken Ankle is not small or tiny. In fact, not one of my shoes fit Broken Ankle anymore. I managed to get one on the other night but it felt like I was breaking a bone again getting it off. So, unless the swelling goes down in the next day or two, I’m going to be pulling up to a handicap space in my Smart, swinging out my feet with one of my shoes on Good Foot and one of Husband’s on Bad Foot/Broken Ankle, removing that monster of a shoe and then slowly slapping the on dozen straps Velcro strips that tie me into Boot. I'm going to guess no one will challenge my handicap placard with that fashion disaster mess happening... Little things! Little fat swollen dusky rose things! This is where this mornings post started -
A friend of mine gave me a word search book to do during my convalescence. It’s been an interesting form of meditation, trying to find a word and letting the brain slow down from the “What if…” race it’s constantly on. This morning sums up my life as of late. I spent about ten minutes looking for the last of the words in the File Extension word search. I have several techniques; let my eyes blur and hope the word pops out or look for the most unusual letter and scan about it for the others. I tried ‘K’ first then I tried the ‘H’ but nothing. Ten minutes of not finding it and I glanced down to confirm the letters I was looking for – and all became clear. I was looking for AHK when I was supposed to be looking for CHK. Life for me of late has been that hyper focused on what I should be doing. But I’ve been looking for the answers with the wrong information, my ‘should’ is based on an interpretation of something I got wrong… But that was getting too deep and boring and I’d use the word ‘wrong’ too many times for a gloomy Wednesday morning. Then, when I was making my mocha concoction, I remembered I had dark chocolate kisses, added one to the mix – but forgot to take off the wrapper… SO I’m pulling out of the deep and leaving you with this for today; when life gets too complicated, there is always Joseph and this face. And sometimes, that has to be enough. |
AuthorMy name is ej. I'm a girl. I say that because with the short hair and the short initials, folks aren't always sure. More brilliant insights to who I am in About me Archives
April 2019
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