Today I’m going on a steamboat down the Cumberland River with the Mom thanks to a generous friend. I’m excited. I like boats and I like pretending that I’m leaving town on one, sailing off on an adventure, never to return.
Then I remembered the last time Mom and I were on a boat together was in Australia. We – the Mom, the Brother and I – were out there visiting Uncle and Aunt and decided to take a day cruise out to the Great Barrier Reef and swim among the fishes. Joining us for the ride on our cruise were one million Japanese newlyweds visiting Australia on their honeymoons and a very violent afternoon squall. One million Japanese newlyweds who were not comfortable at all with the squall’s resulting rocking waves, which bounced the boat and turned all the Japanese newlyweds green. Nothing says ‘Happily ever after’ like wearing a life vest, holding onto the side of a boat and puking tidily into a paper bag. And I remembered that Mom refused to go on the cruise that Brother gave me years ago as thank you gift for taking care of her during/post transplant. Because, having grown up with a father in Navy, Mom had had her fill of boats and ships and the like. Brother was totally put out that I then used the cruise for my honeymoon until we explained Mom’s unwillingness to go and the obvious fact that he was now off the hook for a wedding gift. I also remembered that Mom has had a tendency to fall over invisible things while walking. And that when we walk together, I parent her in a totally insulting and patronizing way. And that when I parent her in a totally insulting and patronizing way, she gets really pissed off and walks away from me faster and then trips over invisible things and falls. Like yesterday, when we went for a walk around Radnor Lake and there were several sections of trail that were falling into the lake. Sections that they’d tried to shore up with layers of pavement that kept leaping out at Mom like a hungry leopard. And Mom kept pretending she wasn’t almost falling on her face as I tried to keep 80-pound Tigger the Dog from helping her. The same 80-pound dog that pulled her over last time, gave her a concussion, trigger finger and resulted in her answering questions like when Brother asked, “What’s my girlfriend’s name?” And she responded, “I don’t know. You’ve had so many.” Suddenly this boat thing isn’t sounding like a good idea. Look for us on the evening news…
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AuthorMy name is ej. I'm a girl. I say that because with the short hair and the short initials, folks aren't always sure. More brilliant insights to who I am in About me Archives
April 2019
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