I am asking for trouble.
The fridge is currently living in our foyer. There is no table next to it. I’ve taken to opening up the door, placing my glass on the shelf and pouring my drink into it while the door is open. And this isn’t like water I’m talking about here. This is cranberry juice and ginger ale, two drinks that are sure to make a freaking mess if – no, when the glass tips or I drop the bottle. Or both. With my track record, it's bound to happen. And then, just to mess with the ones in charge of all things me, I’ve moved our second toaster oven - and yes, we have two - to the tiny table next to the couch. The light oatmeal colored couch. And tonight, I balanced my dish trader Joe’s lasagna on the arm of the white couch while I pulled my garlic bread out. Lasagna which is primarily red sauce, in a dish prime for spilling on the arm of a light oatmeal couch while I opened the toaster oven door requiring me to let go of the dish and move my arms wildly next to the dish and the couch and the impending disaster. The good news is that nothing happened. Until I sat down and my desk - since my desk is serving as my dining room table because it is currently a storage/kitchen table - and proceeded to dump a sizable chunk of lasagna onto my keyboard. I’d tell you not to tell Husband all of the above but, a) he reads this blog and, b) odds are good he already knows. He cleaned my computer last week when he was installing my new battery. I’m doomed. On another note, I was thinking of writing a book call ‘Things You Can Cook in a Toaster Oven’ but then I thought, that book probably already exists. I checked and it does! Actually more than one book about things to cook in a toaster oven exists. Who knew? There's this one and this one and, for all you still interested, this one which might be a winner for the discerning chef. So now I’m thinking about writing a book called ‘Things I Have Mastered Cooking in My Toaster Oven That Husband Won’t Eat’. That might just be too long of a title. And it's not actually factual. He did eat my lovely Christmas dinner of steak, rice and coleslaw where I not only used the toaster oven but also used the rice cooker to make the meal. We only have two working outlets so a third hot item at the same time was impossible, hence our side dish of coleslaw. It was delicious, by the way. Also going in my book, breakfast and dessert. I can make a real mean breakfast with just a tortilla, shredded cheese and some type of leftovers chopped up inside. Today’s breakfast, left over steak, cheese, tomatoes and my new favorite condiment Honey Mustard Dijon. Just 10min on 400 in the toaster oven and breakfast is served. I know all you foodies are cringing but it was yummy. I followed breakfast with a toaster oven dessert; cookies baked to perfection - if perfection is mushy in the middle and crispy on the outside. Of course, with no prep space, no clean up space, no oven that will fit a baking sheet, readymade cookies is all I’ve got to work with. And yes, I did balance the plate of chocolate chip cookies on the arm of the light oatmeal sofa. I told you, I'm doomed.
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When we moved to America, my mother didn’t change much about the way we’d been eating in Kenya. By this I mean she didn’t suddenly start taking us to McDonalds or feeding us frozen fish sticks. And dessert, which had never really been a thing in our house in Kenya, wasn’t really a thing in our house in America. Except for chocolate. Grandmother didn’t have a rule about no dessert or no sweets or no cookies. She had a cookie jar that was filled every time we visited. Sometimes it would have the Oreo cookie knock off; Hydrox and sometimes, it would be filled with the awesome chocolate chip cookies she made. And sometimes there would be just be a little dish of chocolate chips on the counter free for taking. Brother and I put the chocolate chips together with the awesome chocolate chip cookies and came to the conclusion that all chocolate was good. Until the day we found Mom’s baking chocolate and learned all chocolate is not good chocolate. We were latch key kids and there was no TV in the house so you can only imagine how excited we were to find a massive bar of Hershey’s in the drawer. We broke off a piece each and took a bite – and the world suddenly became sadder. I’m not sure who spit out there piece first, me or Brother but man, did we. A sad bitter, literal truth, it had no sugar in it. There was a moment when we just looked at each other and then one of us, and I don’t remember whom, came up with the plan to add sugar to the chocolate. What followed was a plethora of material for an I Love Lucy sketch. Brother and I taking a bag with chocolate and sugar and a hammer into the garage and trying to pound the sugar into the chocolate. Brother and I trying to pick up the chocolate that was no longer in the bag due to the hammer sized hole. Brother and I trying powdered sugar. Powdered sugar all over the counter. And floor. And us. But still not ‘in’ the chocolate. Ants telling each other where the to find sugar Mecca. Mom’s face when she saw our attempts to clean up our secret thievery. Good times. Today, we have a drawer in the fridge for our candy stash. I try to keep some that only Husband likes and some that only I like. I only like dark chocolate, unless it’s a Snickers bar or a Heath bar and Husband only likes my chocolate after he’s eaten all of his and told me how disgusting my chocolate is. And this always follows his speech about how I “shouldn’t bring temptations into the house.” And I should “stop buying him stuff that is making him fat.” So I only ONLY buy MY candy and then I get in his car with him to go to dinner and open the cup holder and find THIS: And my bag of mini Heath Bars stashed in the fridge, the ones he said were disgusting, the ones he said he would never eat, was decimated.
Good thing I have a bag of chocolate chips and no oven to bake with or this post might be called Death by Chocolate and Husband would be the death. Also, you can tell not giving up anything for New Years. Life is too short. Off to buy more Heath Bars. Live 100% . Happy New Year!
When I started this blog four months and a bit ago, I gave myself the challenge, the goal to write every weekday until the end of the year. You see, I’m a three-month person in most things – relationships, jobs, diets, life remodels, liking myself – all tend to last me three months. I blame it on the cycle of a show- auditions, rehearsals and performances usually run about three months. Yes, it’s true I’ve been married for more than three months but Husband knows the good times and the bad times usually cycle in three-month increments. Hence the end of the year/four months and a bit goal. I am happy to say that I made it! Phew! And I am even happier to say it has been a fantastic thing for me. No, I’m not writing other things – or rather, I’m not finishing the writing on other things - but I am healthier in my head. And I am enjoying the routine of getting up with the sun and putting my crazy down on paper – as it were. And so what if my grammar has gotten worse because not awake enough and I’m constantly second-guessing my comma placement? The way I figure it, (Mom, Brother), if it bothered you so much, you’d call and tell me where I should stick it - So, what happens next? Who knows? I’ve not given myself a goal other than to keep writing. It may not be daily and it may not be all on this site but that’s okay. I mean I might actually finish my play/book/poetry… Regardless, I’ve still got stories to tell, I'm still married to Husband and his very honest way of speaking, we're still remodeling the freaking house, AND I still do and say really stupid things every single day. Having a place to put them - any place other than running about my head at 3am in the morning - is a good thing. For me. And today, on this first day of a New Year, ‘me’ is what matters. I'll get back to 'you' tomorrow. (wink) |
AuthorMy name is ej. I'm a girl. I say that because with the short hair and the short initials, folks aren't always sure. More brilliant insights to who I am in About me Archives
April 2019
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